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The Myth of the Perfect Mother

Journalist/Author Suggests New Theology of Motherhood

Evangelical Christianity has great respect for motherhood, and a long list of expectations to go along with it. A ccording to Carla Barnhill in her new book, The Myth of the Perfect Mother: Rethinking the Spirituality of Women (Baker BooksPublishing Group, September 2004, $12.99), well-meaning Christians often depict motherhood as the pinnacle of a woman’s spiritual experience. Barnhill, editor of Christian Parenting Today magazine, reports how this false expectation leaves many mothers unfulfilled, and often depressed, because they feel obliged to quench the God’s call on their lives when they become mothers. What is needed, writes Barnhill, is a new theology that views motherhood more as a spiritual practice than as a spiritual calling.

“As Christian women, we grow up believing that motherhood will somehow complete us, that in motherhood we will find the culmination of all our hopes and dreams,” writes Barnhill. “We hear countless sermons on the family and how what we do as parents will indelibly shape the faith of our children. We read the stacks of parenting books that reduce raising children to a simple formula of prayer, Bible study, and firm discipline. In my book, I hope to show women another way to view motherhood – a way based on relationship with our families and most importantly our God.”

In The Myth of the Perfect Mother Barnhill courageously addresses controversial aspects of Christian parenting, , including the religious “cult of the family,” “Christian discipline” for children, the truth about depression in Christian women, and the tremendous pressures faced by both stay-at-home and working moms. The author, who heard from her readers as well as other women she surveyed in 2003, shares numerous real-life anecdotes and struggles as she debunks the myth of the perfect mother. “Rather than family being the ultimate expression of a woman’s worth,” Barnhill explains, “motherhood should be a place in which her authentic self, the person she is in God, is refined and reformed.”

Many of the ideas Barnhill puts forth in The Myth of the Perfect Mother will seem radical and unsettling—especially when she reveals how many “Christian” suppositions about family life are based on American cultural myths. But her goal, to open dialogue among women and church leaders regarding the spirituality of women, requires that a few sacred cows be laid on the altar. Barnhill asks the hard questions that women are often afraid, or simply too exhausted, to voice in the Christian community, such as:

· How much of the image of the “Christian Stay-at-Home Mom” has been forged by political and societal forces? How much, if any, of this image is actually scriptural?

· How do unrealistic expectations of motherhood contribute to the depression secretly plaguing Christian women? And how can churches minister to women struggling with depression and spiritual disillusionment?

· Are “working moms” doomed to second-class status in their spirituality? Does God ever call a mom to stay in the workplace after her children arrive?

· Do some Christians over-value the family unit and create a cult of the image of a “godly family”?

· Do all Christian families need to look and function alike? Or is there room for variety as mothers and fathers pursue Kingdom goals?

· Can viewing motherhood as a spiritual practice, instead of a calling, free women from depression and condemnation?

· How can churches minister to women in a holistic manner—not just as moms? Are there programs or messages, which limit a woman’s spiritual experience to her role as mother, that need to be expanded or discontinued?

– which has been billed as the “role of a lifetime” for Christian women – feels frustrating and defeating?

·

“I want to explore a new theology of motherhood,” says Barnhill. “Come with me on a journey to see what hinders us as mothers who are struggling to love our families well. I hope this book presents the role of mothering in the context of the gospel, as part of our spiritual journey and not the finish line..”

Barnhill, as a journalist, has written for Christianity Today, Campus Life, and Books and Culture. She is an award-winning author of several books for both adults and children, including the Gold Medallion winner Blessings Everyday. She currently is the editor of Christian Parenting Today, the parenting magazine of Christianity Today Inc. Barnhill holds a Masters of Arts from the University of Edinburgh. The ideas for The Myth of the Perfect Mother first came from her own experience as the mother of two young children Emily and Isaac. Barnhill currently enjoys the practice of motherhood in the Minneapolis area with her husband Jim.

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May 2118, 2004

The Myth of the Perfect Mother

By Carla Barnhill

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Baker BooksPublishing Group

September 2004 e ISBN: 0-8010-6466-X

Trade Paper e 5 1/8 x 8 ½

192 pages e $12.99