A Conversation With Ravi Zacharias

Thoughts on Love and Marriage

You most often write on topics such as truth and theology. Why write a book about love and marriage?

It is true that matters of truth and belief in God are the primary locus of my speaking. Yet, I have sensed that sooner or later, when the outward resistance to the Gospel has been dismantled, some very troubling questions for the one challenging Biblical truth lie beneath the surface. Young people in particular run into romance and love with an irresistible urge and then begin to wonder if love was, indeed, all it was made out to be. It is to deal with such a hunger for a fulfilled love that I turn to the subject once again, now, almost as looking through a rearview mirror, well aware that objects are nearer than they appear and should be handled with care.

So you believe marriage deserves a deep examination? It really matters to God?

Different cultures view marriage differently and if we are not careful, we can begin to believe that marriage was society’s idea within the framework of each culture and, therefore, we may deal with it as we will. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Marriage was God’s idea and He alone has the right to define how it was meant to be. Within this book I have made an effort to present what God’s intention for marriage was and still is. He has spoken to us in His Word.

Why pick the story of Isaac and Rebekah to illustrate a godly love story?

This is the kind of a story from which movies should be made—camels, wells, women with jars on their heads coming to draw water, a devout man, a beautiful woman, a suspense-filled encounter. The reason every heart beats with a story like this is that each of us has a heart that beats for love, and what better beat than the beat of romance.

You talk about the importance of receiving parental blessing on the choice of one’s spouse. What was your experience with this principle?

I found this principle extremely difficult to apply when the test came. The struggle to honor this commitment to our parents was a deep one because of the unique situation in which we found ourselves. I had come from one part of the world, born and raised in India. The girl I loved came from another part of the world, Canada, and when we first met and developed an interested in each other, neither of our parents supported our relationship. A love I wanted was potentially going to be taken from me. This commitment to receiving our parents’ blessing became an important proving ground for us in our relationship.

You write, “Without the will, marriage is a mockery; without the emotion, it is a drudgery. You need both.” Can you explain this further?

Chivalry in love has nothing to do with the sweetness of the appearance. It has everything to do with the tenderness of a heart determined to serve. That is the first hard lesson to learn. You do not act under the impetus of charm but out of a commitment to make someone’s life the joy you want it to be. In the early days of marriage, joy precedes the act. Tragically, as the years go by, joy can be severed from the act until finally, the act itself is no more. This ought not to be. Over time it is the companionship that brings joy and service is the natural outworking of the joy of commitment. Failure to act kills it.

You noted the great kindness that Rebekah showed to Eliezer by watering his camels. What word of advice do you offer to women regarding kindness in the man they consider for marriage?

To the young woman I say, this is the moment in your life, please hear me, when he who is wooing you will be at his kindest. And if you do not see kindness in that person, beware! For the partnership you are looking for will be nourished and nurtured only on the basis of a love that is not arrogant or prideful, but kind. Kindness is the touch, the look, the beat of the heart and the act that seeks to cherish and guard the one to whom you say “I love you.”

You recommend that the decision to marry not be made quickly. What are the steps to considering one’s readiness for marriage?

The first is to ask oneself if he or she truly has the maturity to sacrifice their selfishness for the responsibility that lies ahead. Can you respond to what is asked of you in being a spouse and a parent? The second step is to get the best premarital counseling you can. I recommend that this happen in the context of your worshipping community and not just in the setting of formal instruction. The final and very important step is the commitment to conflict resolution. In marriage, you marry not just a person, but that person’s loves and relationships. It is the convergence of many lives, the sharpest points of contact being the two who are being married.

If you can offer one piece of quick advice for becoming a godly marriage partner, what would it be?

Become a man or a woman of prayer. Let your devotional life be the beacon that guides you through the tough terrain you will face. Let the heart and mind be kept close to the principal calling of your life, which is to hunger and thirst after God and His righteousness. Make your day one in which God gets your best so that others share in the rewards of your devotion. Returning to the example of Isaac and Rebekah, to have first seen her husband in prayer had to have remained a cherished moment for Rebekah.

How do you respond when you hear young people dismiss the concept of marriage by saying “marriage is not what it is cracked up to be”?

One might well ask, then, what exactly is it cracked up to be? Is it not the sacred trust of hearts devoted to God, who have experienced His loving-kindness and seek His blessing upon their covenant to each other? If that is what it is, then it is a glorious relationship.

For more information about Ravi Zacharias and I, Isaac, Take Thee, Rebekah

Contact McClure Muntsinger Public Relations, 615.595.8321